Vagina Wax-The Epilogue

I'd like to start out by saying that all of your reactions (via e-mails and IMs) have made me realize that I was totally justified in being sceeved out.

Most importantly: I have nothing growing on my face and my eyebrows look great...crisis averted.

Apparently, this whole ordeal created quite a stir with my Mom and sister because (as my Mom told me this morning) they analyzed the situation after I hung up with them. My sister (who also frequents Li & Li nails when she comes to visit) says that she thinks that there are two vats of wax: one for face waxing and one for "private" waxing. I'm not entirely sure this is true. However, lets give Li & Li nails the benefit of the doubt here and say that yes, there are two vats of wax.

If that is true, and one goes to get their "privates" waxed, that means that "private" germs are being exchanged among customers. I have never gotten anything below the belt waxed. I do not plan to. However, for those of you who do, it may be worth requesting that you get a fresh batch of wax-otherwise, you risk your "privates" being contaminated.

I'll leave it there because I think that any further analysis may make me physically ill. I'd like to thank my Mom and sister for proving once again that they are the queens of sceeve.

Vagina Wax

One of the best things (I think) about living in Brooklyn is that manicures/pedicures and waxing is so cheap. For example, there is a place near us called Li & Li Nails that I have been going to since I stopped biting my nails in the 9th grade every other weekend when we came to visit my grandparents.

Why is this place so great? Well a manicure and pedicure Monday-Wednesday? 13.99. Wednesday-Sunday? 15.99. Manicure and Pedicure for men? $19.99 (Every man reading this should pencil in a time to come to Brooklyn to get this done. It is totally necessary). The women who work there are super nice, they have lots of nail polish selections (that's the color I got my nails tonight) and the pedicure chairs are new and are capable of massage...or kicking shit out of you depending on what setting you put it on.

So because Mondays kick my butt (International Politics and Statistics back to back) I often spend Monday nights beautifying myself. Today I got a manicure and got my eyebrows waxed. I've given up on pedicures for a few months since its getting cold and the only other person who sees my toes other than me is Wasp. I got there at about 5, parked my car at the meter out front ($.75 for the hour) and head in fully prepared to zone out while a perky Asian lady rubs my hands. What I was not prepared for was the discussion/event that I witnessed.

About 15 minutes after I arrive, I'm getting my nails done (eyebrows come later) and in walks a woman, about 52 years old. Frosted hair. Arched eyebrows a different color than said frosted hair. Baby blue velor jump suit (I wish I could say I was kidding). The women all seem to recognize her, and yell hello. We'll call her Annette.

Annette walks up to one of the woman who says "What you need?" Her response? Bikini wax. Pedicure. Manicure. In that order. So, Annette is taken to the So the tiny room with a tinted window where the waxing takes place. You can't see much through the window, but if you really stare you can figure out what is happening. Of course I am watching. She was in there for about 25 minutes, and during that time I saw her get up and lay down at least three times and also saw her legs in the air. She finishes, comes out (surprisingly looking like nothing had even happened) and gets ready for her pedicure. My manicure is finally finished and go back to get my eyebrows done. Now, for those of you who don't get waxed often, often times you lay down. What does this mean? I laid down where this woman's almost bare ass was.

As if this wasn't bad enough, I call my mom (Mrs. NLG) to tell her what had happened and she proceeded to gross me out even more. The ladies (and some of the guys) reading this will know that when you get anything waxed, they put the wax on with a popsicle stick of sorts, and they take the wax out of a giant vat. Now I'm sure that at fancy salons they use a different stick for every spread, however like I said we're talking cheap here in Brooklyn. So, its the same stick for a bunch of dips. Which means, as my mom pointed out, that this woman's vagina germs were put back into the vat of wax only to be put on MY FACE.

Think about that, loyal readers. I'll write again tomorrow and let you if I have syphilis growing on my face.

6 inches

I would never attempt to even put these on, much less commute/stand all day/walk in them. She looked great though!

Our Kitchen

This is what I found when I walked into our kitchen this evening. Wasp usually leaves one cabinet open when she is cooking/cleaning.

This evening however, she left the kitchen, turned the lights off, and retired to the living room to watch TV. She left five cabinets open. Its a good thing we love each other :)

Today, I Should Have Lit $95 on Fire

This morning, Wasp and I went downstairs to start our daily commute to work. We were both carrying garbage and were a little distracted. That is, until I looked across the street where my car was park and saw this -->


Now, from far away it kind of looked like something from Netflix. My first thought? "I'm asking for a Netflix subscription for Christmas! How do I have something already? And why would I get something on my windshield?"


My next thought? "Please, Baby Jesus do not let that be a ticket." Now, Wasp had gotten a ticket in late September for not moving her car on an alternate side parking day for $45. Annoying, but no big deal. I walk across the street and pull of the sheet, and there it is...my very first parking ticket. For $95.

Why $95 you may ask? Because I parked in front of a driveway. I know what you're thinking. How did you park in front of a driveway, how did you not see it? It was a midget driveway. Maybe you could park a pony there. And not even a full sized pony, one of those creepy toy ponies that they keep on farms for kids to look at.

My Mothers response when I told her I got a ticket? "Welcome to Brooklyn. They could have towed your car. Thank god they didn't...you and Wasp would have ended up on Law and Order SVU because you would have had to go to the impound lot. And bad things always happen there." At least I'd have a chance of meeting cutie Elliot Stabler :)

There's a button for it on the microwave

Tonight marked our second night of attempting to make sweet potatoes. They are quite a treat in our home, as we both love them and they remind us of that homey, autumn feeling we get from our parents' houses.

Our first time baking the potatoes took over an hour. I followed my mom's directions (450 degrees for 40 mins or so) and the middle of the potato was still hard. We ended up putting them in the microwave for 10 more minutes (after we took them in and out of the oven to check if they were done). So, needless to say, we had semi-uncooked sweet potatoes the first time.

This time, as suggested by NLG's mom (Mrs. NLG), we put them in the microwave for a few minutes first, then put them in the oven for 40 mins on 450 degrees. VOILA!


BUMPY POTATOES!

Nonetheless, they were delish. The micro-oven combo cook worked!

Mrs. NLG called NLG just as we were enjoying our potatoes. I hear a scream from the kitchen:

"MY MOM SAID WE CAN USE THE BUTTON ON THE MICROWAVE ENTITLED 'POTATO'!!!!!!"


I crumble to the floor in laughter. And now we know for next time.

Excalibur in the Village?

This week has been pretty busy for both of us...lots of work and paper writing! And after our "major clean" and swamp pudding episode, we had no major mishaps in our home (note: Wasp has not yet put her clothes away and mine started to build up again).


On my way home on Wednesday night though, I think I found Excalibur. Granted, it was not in the rock (or is it a stone?) that it was supposed to be; it was laying haphazardly on the ground outside my subway entrance...but there is was. It looked a lot like the picture attached (I tried to take a picture of it, but my crappy camera phone has not flash and it was already dark out). I'm not entirely sure who it belonged to as its owner seemed to be MIA and no one except to me seemed to even notice it was there...I guess that's what it means to live in New York.

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back in our March Toward Domesticity

Happy Monday, loyal readers!

After a really grown up meal (chicken, rice and green beans) Wasp and I did a major clean of our apartment (which was looking pretty rank thanks to midterms, busy days at work and super lazy weekends!).
"Major" for us means:
vacuum
sweep
Swiffer Wet Jet (my favorite)
clean stove/microwave
clean bathroom
put clothes away in rooms (I did this today when I got home from class/the supermarket, Wasp decided we did enough for tonight and will be doing it "tomorrow").

In celebration of our "major" clean we decided that we should eat some of the instant pudding (chocolate) that Wasp made earlier tonight.

Now, if you know me (and I'm assuming that most of you do) you know that instant Jello pudding is perhaps one of my favorite desserts. I bought it today at Food Dynasty and got chocolate because it is Wasp's favorite (and by favorite, I mean the only pudding she will eat).

Anyway, we finished cleaning and opened the tupperware that the pudding was in. The picture attached to this post is what we found. Swamp pudding. I know what you are thinking, "NLG, tell me you did not eat that disgusting mixture. Tell me that you went across the street to the convenience store owned by the crotchety old man and got some ice cream".

I'm sorry to tell you that I did, in fact eat the pudding. Actually, I'm not sorry because it was delicious. It was a little chunky, but I have to say that I think that added to the experience. Overall, we are going to improve our mixing skills but still the pudding proved to be a happy end to my evening (note: Wasp did not eat the pudding).

Reasons we are more domestic than we were in August:
1. We made big girl meals
2. We cleaned without anyone telling us we needed to
3. I put my pudding in the fancy dessert dishes my Aunt got us

Reasons we are less domestic than we were in August:
1. We made swamp pudding


More soon...thanks for reading!

"Thanks, Yanks!"

Hello Readers!

Woke up today completely forgetting that the Yankees had won the World Series this week and that today was the parade. Wasp seemed to forget too...until we went to our subway station to find it filled with Yankees fans all geared out and ready to go frolic in confetti down at City Hall.

We tried to avoid being on their subway car, but it happened anyway; please see the picture for just a sampling of the gentlemen who accompanied us on our commute today. At the first stop, about 12 teenage boys got on and I am pretty sure they were drunk (please note that it was 8:05am). Actually, now that I am thinking about it, I am pretty sure that all of the parade goers were drunk. I admire their determination.

So, while the rest of New York is out celebrating I am in my cube at work...sober. But I think I speak for everyone when I say thank you, Yankees, for not forcing us to live in the shadow of Philadelphia for another year! Congrats!

Happy Friday!

NLG babysits at the laundromat

NLG came to keep me company at the laundromat today. She ended up befriending Orlando. He's two. He loves snakes and spiders and does not like to behave.

Earplugs: Fashion Statement or Not?!?

NLG here with a fast update:

Today on the subway, Wasp and I saw a woman wearing earplugs. Wasp says she has seen this fashion maven before.

Questions:
1. Are earplugs really necessary on the subway (see below: crying commute)
2. Should the earplugs match your outfit (this woman had in highlighter yellow ones that matched nothing)
3. Should I include some earplugs in Wasp's holiday gift? I'm thinking yes...but now it won't be a surprise because this is her blog too.

Happy Wednesday!

Crazies Make Mondays Lots of Fun...

Hello, Readers! NLG here...updating you on my Monday!

I had a pretty busy day today...two classes with a midterm in one of them (Statistics-EW). Anyway, after two hours of numbers and formulas, I board my subway home, grab a seat and take out my library book (thank you Brooklyn Public Library!) and start reading. Ordinarily I would have been listening to my iPod, but it has been acting up lately and was left on my kitchen table, so I was completely aware of my surroundings.

About two stops into my journey home, a man got on the subway with his headphones blasting. If there is one thing that I have realized that I dislike a lot since living in Brooklyn it is commuters who listen to their music too loud. Anyway, a this guy positions himself about nine feet from me and proceeds to start a new song on his iPod, which sounded like a bizarre combination of Whitney Houston's "I Wanna Dance with Somebody" and Gloria Estefan's "Congo". He was rocking out; like head bobbing, hip shaking, hand druming dancing. For the record, this man was not small, he was at least 5"11, maybe 250 lbs and all 250 lbs of him was shaking it like he meant it.

I go back to my reading and suddenly, Whitney/Gloria morphs into a bad yelling Death Metal-y (I know not an actual word). Sure enough, I look at him and he has transformed his dancing from fun "I like to sing in the shower" dancing into angry "I live in darkness" headbanging and swaying. At this point I was about 20 minutes from home, and for the duration of the trip his playlist switched back and forth...happy, the world is fabulous, into angry, I want to yell until I make your ears bleed. Needless to say, I watch this guy the entire way home. I'm mostly interested in what his playlist was called...I'm thinking "Schitzophrenic Monday" is most plausible. I'm going to have to figure out if my phone video records in the event that I ever run into this guy again.

Here's to a crazy-free Tuesday...although Wasp and I are commuting together tomorrow and that's usually when the crazies come out in full force!

...More Soon!


PS-friends who stay in touch and come over for dinner make Crazy Mondays happy :)

Commute Email

Happy Monday! LOVE NLG.

Screaming babies on the subway make me want to never procreate slash institute a muzzle policy on children riding the subway. NOT a happy way to start my day when I have a stats midterm that has the potential to kick my ass.

xxo

Happy Halloween

It's 3:15 am (what felt like 4:15am because of daylight savings time). I am by myself (dumb) going home from the most amazing Halloween with the most perfect group ever. (I went to RUSH, if you've never been and are extremely comfortable with your sexuality--whatever it may be--you should go, and dance your ass off.) I am sitting in the Atlantic Avenue station to get on my train. It took a long time for it to come.

Just before it arrived I see these two men. They were about 25. One, who we'll call Shades, was just about functioning and the other, we'll call him Dude, was blacked out, barely walking. Shades drags Dude to the corner of the car, and plops him down in a seat. Dude passes out.



Shades sits halfway across the car from his friend. Shades had on really baggy pants (his fly was wide open, nothing visible, no worries) and a big baggy zip up sweatshirt tied around his waste. He started to dig in his pockets. He wanted to dig into his pants pockets, but he kept digging into his sweatshirt pocket. He was barely standing. He starts screaming profanities, follwed by "I LOST MY SHADES, 200 F*&$ING DOLLARS!!!!!" Play that on repeat in your head, loud, for two hours. That was the majority of my ride.

Intermittently, Shades would walk up and down the subway, empty his pockets (mind you his fly is still open), and take the umbrella (that I believe he just found somewhere) and hit the subway poles with it. Hard. Sometimes he would go over to Dude and whack him on the head too.

I was desperately trying to avoid any sort of eye contact with this man. I did not want to catch his attention at all. All of these observations are out of the corner of my eye. At one point Shades obtained a bag (looked like a woman's purse and I don't think he boarded the train with it) and started taking pills out of it. They were scattering everywhere. He tried to shove some in Dude's mouth, claiming they would make him feel better. Oh dear.

My train ride was extra long that night because the D was running on the N, fail. Nonetheless, I made it home 2 hours later. Alive.

Happy Halloween.


Our trick or treat basket...by the end of the night, it was all gone!