Monday, December 28, 2009

Sorry We've Been Lame...


Dear Readers,
First things first, we hope that you all had a very happy holiday! We're sorry that we've been totally lame (not to mention lazy) with not posting. While we haven't posted re: fun things in our lives in Brooklyn lately, things have in fact, been happening. We'll try to catch everyone up in the next days/weeks.
When I think about the last couple of weeks of December, and what I want to share with you, the first thing that comes to mind is not that me and Wasp had a Holiday Party with more than 20 people and that I cooked successfully for all of those people. It is not that I passed my first semester of graduate school. Nor is it that Brooklyn got more than 6 inches of snow my last weekend there, and that me, Wasp, and a few of our friends pretty much lived in our living room for more than 48 hours. No, loyal readers. What I want to tell you has to do nothing with either of us directly and everything to do with the photo at the beginning of this post.
The last week that I was working, my job had a holiday party on Wednesday. I only work from 12-5 on Wednesdays, and while I usually go to the library from 9-12 I didn't on this day, because I had a bag filled with pie and cookies (left over from the party). Clearly, I couldn't take pie to the library, especially not with all those angry, nervous undergraduates. So instead, I slept late and took my time. I even made myself eggs for breakfast. It was the start of what I assumed was going to be a pretty boring morning. That burning morning was shattered when I got on the subway, giant bag of desserts dragging behind me.
I got on the train, and seat myself at the window, rummaged through my bag, took out my Kindle (love!) and settled in for a calm commute. There weren't that many people on the train. But there was this man across the isle from me, wearing a pair of jeans, a leather jacket and tattoos all over his hands. Strange, I thought to myself. But not too crazy...so I went back to reading. Then, this man's cell phone rang. And this is the conversation that ensued.
Man: "Hello? Hi, Cathy. No, I can't talk right now, I have to go downtown to take care of some stuff. I can't talk to you right now." Pause. "Why? What do you mean why? I just got out of prison after 20 years. I spoke to you once every two weeks for those 20 years. I love you, but I need some space." Pause. "I've been traveling for seven hours! I have to go downtown! You've called me seven times! I'll be home soon".
Then the man hangs up. We go about two stops, and his phone rings again.
Man: "CRISTINA! Its Dad!" Pause. "I'm OUT! The last time I saw you were a BABY! And now your a grown woman!" Pause. "Hey, listen, while I was in prison, I got your name tattooed across my chest!" Pause. "Some guy in prison did it for me. Yeah, I can't remember his name...he was asthmatic." Pause. Hey listen, want to go get your feets (not a typo) done? There's $300 in the drawer in your mother's room. Go, take it. Get your feets done, get your face done, do whatever you want. I'll see you in a few hours. I love you".
The man hangs up. Then he calls the first woman back. Man: "Hey, its me. Listen, did you spend that $300? I hope not. I told Cristina she could have it to get her feets done." Pause. "Yeah, yeah, go with her, get your feets done. Wax whatever. Just go with her. Tell her everything we talked about telling her. I'll be home in a few hours." Pause. "I love you too. I'm so happy to be coming home."
Now, while I probably should have been a little bit freaked out (what kind of crime makes you go to prison for 20 years?) my heart actually warmed a little bit. It was the week before Christmas, and he got out of prison and was going home to his family, newly tattooed, but going home none the less.
There you have it. A little Christmas cheer from Brooklyn.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas, from Sears

A letter I received from NLG today. (In case you cannot deduce this, her family's refrigerator broke yesterday, two days before XMAS!)

Today, our main refridgerator broke (I say main because like all good Americans we have two). My dad called sears; got transferred a million times, and then gave the phone to me to wait on hold while he "tried to fix" (used loosely) the problem. Well, Sears told us that even though we are a warranty AND a service contract (which is a hundred and some odd dollars a year) they said that they were BOOKED for today CHRISTMAS EVE (WHO GETS SHIT FIXED ON CHRISTMAS EVE!? ALL of their appointments were booked and they had all been "scheduled weeks in advance") and that they coudln't give us an appointment until JANUARY 7! Well, needless to say, I yelled. And I said these magical words "I will never shop at Sears again". What did that do, you may ask?

Well, an hour later (ie 5 minutes ago) Kia from Sears called to say that she just got a very upsetting message (from the idiot with the Southern twank who I bitched at, I'm sure) that I would not shop at Sears again. She said she would try to get me in today and if she coudln't, would I be available for Saturday. WAIT Kia is on the phone with Lenore as we speak. Apparently they are most likely coming today.

Lesson learned: unless you are deal with the MORONS from Cabelvision, threatening to cease patronage equals SERVICE.

Love,
NLG

PS-this should prob go on the blog

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Conversation of Boredom and SNOW



So, as you may or may not have heard, NYC got dumped on (well dumped is debatable, I'm from Rochester) and we have a foot of snow as of this morning. All day (and most of yesterday), me and NLG have done nothing but sit in the living room. We ate, worked, and entertained ourselves via YouTube in there.


Boyfriend of NLG also did some wonderful shoveling (I had done some earlier in the morning to take my friend to the airport).


Boyfriend of NLG: "Don't step on my toes!"
NLG: "I'm trying not to. I'm trying to avoid the filth" (as the chip bag crinkles.)

NLG to Boyfriend: "Sometimes I think Wasp is only my roommate because I date you."
Me: "Sometimes that's true."
NLG (looks at me, distraught): "That was hurtful."

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Our Fradulent Advent Calendar

Hello Readers!
Sorry for the delay of this post...Thanksgiving week was pretty boring for us, as we weren't together/in our home and thus had no fun events to tell you all about.

I came back to Brooklyn on Sunday night and Wasp came home on Monday afternoon. I walked into our dining room on Monday night to find it filled with groceries (yay!) and more importantly...Christmas decorations.

Wasp brought us: a 6.5 feet tall Tree, a (horrid) needlepointed Christmas pillow, a wreath for our front door (which makes our entire hallway smell like winter) and perhaps most exciting...an Advent
calendar (see above), filled with, as Wasp says "chocolate treats".

I'm not entirely sure that its an Advent calendar, and this is why (my parents are going to kill me for saying/writing this after 13 years of catholic school...I'm sorry in advance).

Advent is four weeks, right? Three purple candles and one pink? Or is it three pinks and a purple? I actually don't know...but. I do know that 7X4 is 28 (clearly I'm doing well in Statistics).

Our "Advent" calendar has 25 days. That is wrong. It is not Advent-y. It is a countdown to Christmas labeled falsely as an Advent calendar. Jesus would not be happy. Additionally, Wasp tried to tell me that there were no "religious figures" on the calendar (which is actually kind of a box that we taped to our front door) and that Jesus shouldn't be offended because they didn't involve "his people".

You can't see it very well in the picture, but that little blond girl with the red dress, warming her hands by the fire with Santa? She has wings. She is not a bird-girl, or Batman's pretty kid cousin. She is an Angel. If an Angel is not one of "Jesus' people" I'm not quite sure what is...therefore, Jesus would be offended. I'm thinking about taking the make believe Advent Christmas countdown of sin down when I get home today...I don't want bad Jesus luck in our home.